There is this women, Karina, who has an amazing Gluten Free recipe website/blog, her recipes are so good, I collect them. But what's also amazing about her blog are her own personal wanderings and thoughts. Today she wrote down some little black and white words that resonated with me to the point where I'm nodding in agreement, so I wanted to share them on my blog. Also check out her recipes, they're delicious, there's a link at the bottom!
As the breakfast treats were baking I started thinking (always dangerous). I started pondering (even more dangerous) why certain people believe they have things AFO. All Figured Out. And they'll tell you so, of course, spooning out advice in words that taste metallic. Like teeth fillings. They have all the neat little answers for you, judged and predigested, wrapped snug in tidy ribbons.
If only life were that simple.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not yearning for simple. I'm not six years old. I can handle complicated. I can chew for hours on ideas that are tough and wiggly and mysterious, and arrive at no final conclusion whatsoever. I can sleep on it and wake up with nothing but songs and dreams in my head that will color the day with glimpses of what might be possible. I don't need to hammer the challenging and mysterious into a mold I can easily grasp so I can feel more comfortable in the world, believing it is fixed. So I can stop asking questions. So I can say, I have the answer.
I am, in fact, okay hanging in the tension of opposites.
I don't need only good, only pretty, only nice, only light, only clean, only sweet, only happy. And isn't that a valuable thing? Because the last time I checked the world was a mash-up of good and bad, beautiful and ugly, gentle and cruel, luminous and dark and cool and filthy and calm and angry and laughable and profoundly, deeply sad. And often, really ironic.
So here's the thing.
The older I get, the more I learn, the less certain I am. Of anything. I don't have all the answers. I don't always know what is best or what is true. And what is right for me may not be right for you. And what may be right for me today may be wrong for me tomorrow. But one thing I do know?
There are places on this earth where you feel you belong. And places you will always feel like a stranger. An outsider. A tourist. There are places and people and days that grind you down. And harden you. And there are places and people and days that soften you. Soften your heart. And you know what?
I want that.
Amen to that Sistah!